IGN vs. The Vykkers [Hosted by IGN] Date: 5 October, 2001 Interviewer: IGN Interviewees: Humphrey & Irwin Source: http://www.ign.com/articles/2001/10/05/ign-vs-the-vykkers
While we usually like to keep our vacations local — Napa, Alcatraz, local waste management plants, that sort of thing — we recently had a chance to visit Oddworld, the beautiful, exotic planet home to Abe and Munch. Normally we don’t like to namedrop, but we actually had a chance to hang out with Humphrey and Irwin, two of the major masterminds behind Vykkers labs and creators of some of your favorite new products like Butt-Flo and Baby Chow.
After spending a couple of days skiing, sledding, and shooting Paramites that had wandered into our hotel room, we finally got down to business. With the once in a lifetime chance of interviewing these major entrepeneurs, we put on our best suit, tried to avoid getting Scrab spittle on our tie at the front desk, and had an intimate, Barbara Walters-worthy chat with two of the characters featured in next month’s upcoming smash hit Oddworld: Munch’s Oddysee. While the video footage we managed to take of the interview was damaged in transit back to Earth, we did manage to snag an audio clip from the interview, which you can click on to hear for yourself.
A note on the Interviewees: Humphrey & Irwin are two sell out scientists who are trying to further their careers at the highly profitable and far-reaching global pharmaceutical conglomerate, Vykkers Labs.
A note to the reader: Please understand, being high powered and self-important executives neither Humphrey nor Irwin actually answered these questions. They are game characters. Get over it, already.
IGN Xbox: You’re a fairly large corporation — what sort of businesses do you deal in?
Humphrey: Vykkers Labs is a vast multi-species conglomerate dedicated to creating and producing the most profitable… er finest collection of consumer goods on the market.
Irwin: Whether it’s the latest in industrial strength fabric softener technology or the latest innovations in hyper-caffeination, Vykkers Labs will be there for you.
IGN Xbox: Those Fuzzles sure are cute! Any chance of marketing them as a pet line in the future?
Irwin: Well, if you consider dangerous carnivorous rodent wanna-bes as pets then there could be a market… To be honest, though, we consider Fuzzles a commodity species — common, unexceptional, and toothy.
Humphrey: Ach? the little critters litter our labs with Fuzzle poo and leave fur all over the place — and the feeding costs! Oye! We lost 5 interns last week to the little bastards.
Irwin: To sum up – excellent testing animals, yes — profitable companions for your rug rat, no.
IGN Xbox: What sort of new, exciting products can we expect from Vykker’s labs in the upcoming months?
Irwin: Well, we are constantly innovating to better serve our pocketbooks. Our latest product improvement would have to be in the laxative category.
Humphrey: Yes, Butt Flo Chunky Style is definitely a vast improvement over our Butt Flo Splatter formula.
Irwin: But our products of tomorrow go far beyond laxatives… we have big plans… big plans!
Humphrey: Yes, with thousands upon thousands of icky Fuzzles to test new ideas on… the possibilities are boundless — just pop a catheter in their rear and pump in the toxins!
Irwin: Our philosophy is “if we didn’t test it on Fuzzles, we’d be testing it on you!”
IGN Xbox: There have been allegations that you’ve used child or child-like labor in the production of some of your products. Some have even said that you’re using the actual labor IN the products. What’s your response to that?
Humphrey: “Children” is such a BROAD term…
Irwin: Yes, who’s to say when childhood ends and servitude begins.
Humphrey: In terms, of putting our loyal scrubs into our products… I can assure you we make every effort to assure we meet all the necessary safety standards.
Irwin: Yes, Humphrey and I meet often to assure safety never interferes with profit.
[Irwin and Humphrey pause –look meaningfully at each other]
Irwin: You know? I don’t think that came out right…
IGN Xbox: What about that Abe character? Is he still an active threat to your company at this time? What are you doing to ensure he doesn’t sabotage any of your facilities?
Irwin: Abe? Abe? Oh you mean that nasty little Mudokon crud that took out Rupture Farms…
Humphrey: Not to mention… Soul Storm Brewery…
Irwin: Well, we have a highly secure facility. You see Vykkers Labs is an airship that floats in the sky and is totally inaccessible except via air-ship
Humphrey: So there’s no way for that little loin clothed bastard to get in here except without our say so!
Irwin: That’s right!
IGN Xbox: Sorry to hear about your lung problems, but it looks as if many of you have made remarkable comebacks. Any connection between that and the recent near-extinction of the Gabbit population?
Humphrey: Well, actually lung conditions are a Glukkon affliction.
Irwin: Yeah, get your species straight, Scoop! Don’t you need a degree or something to do this job?!?
Humphrey: Though, we are the happy purveyors of lung replacement surgery for all of our wealthy and benevolent Glukkon clientele.
Irwin: In terms, of the connection between Gabbits and Glukkons — it’s simple — Glukkons need the lungs and have the moolah — Gabbits have the needed replacement parts — And we have the surgical skills to make it happen.
Humphrey: If we lose a Gabbit or two along the way — well, that’s the price of progress…
IGN Xbox: We’ve heard reports that you’ve got a Gabbit named Munch under custody in your lab, for some sort of experiment. Care to respond?
Irwin: We have no comment on the Munch “situation.”
Humphrey: Yes, Irwin lost him last week.
Irwin: I did NOT! He escaped — took out dozens of our valuable interns and security guards — not to mention, let loose scads of those atrocious little Fuzzles… There’s Fuzzle doodies all over the place, now! That little gooey-eyed beast!
Humphrey: We haven’t seen him since.
Irwin: Not a sight of the web-footed bottom dweller?
Humphrey: And good riddance to him, too! Ungrateful pug… especially after we surgically augmented him with that Sonar Plug… to have him up and leave us.
Irwin: I never…
IGN Xbox: Are you threatened at all by the seemingly tribal prophecies of your demise by the hands of this Abe character?
[Irwin & Humphrey look at each other –both break down in giggles]
Irwin: Us! Afraid of that little stitched-lip savage?!?
IGN Xbox: What’s your stand on the environment?
Humphrey: The environment is a good place to catch Fuzzles.
Irwin: Never been there.
IGN Xbox: Do you think the Glukkons feel a little, oh I don’t know… inadequate what with having no arms and all?
Humphrey: Well, who needs arms when you’ve got as much moolah as those guys do?
Irwin: Not me!
Humphrey: I wonder if there might be a profit angle, there, though? Prosthetics?
Irwin: Hmmm? We should investigate.