Today’s visit from Crig is totally planned, so listen as he answers your Slig questions and don’t stare at the shackle around Alf’s ankle.
Heya, Slig fans! Welcome to another Dear Alf with special guest star Crig the Slig! Crig likes to drop by and answer all your questions about his… uh, lovely family. I even let him inside the Rehab if he promises not to use the doilies to buff his rifle. Today he’s here as part of a totally planned and expected and welcome visit that has nothing to do with the shackle round my ankle. That’s a completely unrelated situation.
AlienGuardian: I’ve been wondering for a while now, do Sligs ever get tattoos or piercings?
Crig: Absolutely not! We’re ugly enough as it is, bro, we ain’t gonna staple ourselves into weird shapes or slap primitive scribbles on our skin. That’s the kinda stuff barbaric Mudokons get up, and it’s disgusting. Why would you wanna stand out from the crowd like that? Besides, don’t want your earings getting caught in the rending blades.
Taylor: What if a Big Bro started carrying a flame Thrower instead of a Blitz Packer?
Crig: Now that’s the kind of accessorizing I wanna talk about! Nothing like flashy lethal weaponry to spice up a dull day at work, and you’ll turn the heads of every chump who can’t afford anything bigger and better. Flamethrowers sound pretty fun. I wouldn’t mind getting my hands on one and finding a filthy forest to give a sprinkle of napalm.
Wesley: Have ever been a kind-hearted Slig who wanted to help the Mudokons? Thank’s for the attention, me and my wife love you! (:
Crig: Hey Wes, gotta say, you and your wife sound cool. I love me too! Ha! A kind-hearted Slig is not a thing! So don’t go expecting me to come round with a plate of cinnamon cookies just cause we’re besties, Wes. In fact, if I catch you helping those pondscum muckscrubbers you can consider our palship nuller and voider than my boomstick warranty. Nothing personal, but I’m hitting the slots next week and it just ain’t the same if you can’t blow enough to bankrupt a small transnational, ya know?
BAR: Dear Crig, are you gonna have a special role in Oddworld: New N’ Tasty?
Crig: Well I never stepped in RuptureFarms in my life, so nah. They asked me to cameo but I was all “Yo! That sugar’s not canonical!” I saved them the trouble of making a one-armed Slig AI so they can spend the time on better things. You’s welcome!
Nemesis: #DearAlf Was Sligs Without Legs Where They Born Like That Or Where They Punished And Got Them Cut Of Or What Eva Love U Alf Bye
Zombirelf always wondered, did sligs ever have natural legs? O.o
Crig: Wow, s’pose it had to come up sooner or later, I just expected a heap more tact. But Slig’s admittedly ain’t masters of tact, so whada I know? No we don’t got legs to stand on, what of it? Don’t need ’em anyway, we got kickgut enginized pants instead. I’m scraping on the wall a 1-0 score in our favor, guys. We never had ’em cut off or bound or anything like that, so quit acting weird about it.
sackby: I’ve been wondering this for a VERY long time, how did sligs survive before they had metallic trousers (English guy here). I mean like did they use sticks or just crawl?
Crig: We crawled in the fetid sludge of bogs and swamps like the kind of revolting disposible beasts I’d happily repurpose as novelty beanbags. But ya know what separates us Sligs from the pathetic Scrabs, Mudokons and Meep of the Oddworld? We improved! We evolved! We got guns and middle management positions. Ain’t nothing better than us now!
Hurricane Dan: #DearAlf how do Sligs control their legs? Are they connected to the nervous system or do they use the tail to steer?
Crig: I get that you’s all are here to poke and prod at the inner workings of Sligkind, but there ain’t anyone gonna go sticking needles in our head and shunting our brain into a machine. Machines are there to be used, they are not a life goal! You wanna turn yourself into a squeaking tin can like a Greeter or a Shrink, that’s your own business, but I can’t think of a worse existence.
Hurricane Dan: #DearAlf do Sligs take off their pants to poo or do they have a flap or door?
Crig: Brother, you got a filthy mind! But you gotta keep that talk to the bathroom walls. If a Glukkon walks in on that kinda chat your ear’s gonna be full for a month. I guess they got hangups about toilets or something.
Amon Lavtar: How much beating can a Mudokon slave survive before being, well.. killed, and are sligs aware of this limit? It would be bad to piss off a glukkon boss for beating a perfectly good slave-ahem “worker” to death.
Crig: Hey look, accidents happen. Beatings are important and Mudokons are fragile. It could happen to anyone! But we get told in no uncertain terms that damaging company property is grounds for some seriously sick disincentive. Not just from the Glukkons, either. But I don’t feel like going into mommy issues today, maybe I’ll feel chattier after a week of pampering. Alf! Get me a Brew!
Y’know, a Slig like me could get used to a life like this. Out in nature, plenty to shoot, obedient Mudokons everywhere. You can all quit with the Abe fanmail though. But keep sending in your Crig fanmail. I like getting Alf to read that to me. Send it in with the comments below or use the hashtag #DearAlf on Facebook or Twitter.