Alf’s gone a bit safe-tea conscious and is eager to start a dialog about cleanliness and comfort in the latest Dear Alf.
Don’t you even think abour pouring yourself a drink without washing your filthy mitts with my special tea-based cleaning gloop. It kills 8% of germs 87% dead!
And that’s important because without taking precautions against the dirt and dangers of this Oddworld, you’ll never have the clarity of mind to pay me full attention.
So I want your full attention while I talk about taking care of yourself, you got it? Good! First question.
Taylor: Have Mudokkens ever vomited form drinking too much brew? Is the after effects like a hangover on steroids that just wont go away followed by an extreme craving for more or is it a little different? Seriously what do the put in that stuff other than your Bones and tears?
Alf: Y’know, after finding out that much about what goes into Brew, I’ve decided we all know far too much about it. If that ain’t enough to put ya off the sickening stuff for good, you’re either addicted or ya ain’t got a clue what it’s like. If you’re addicted, then come in my brother! Let’s get you taken care of with love and teaspect. If you’re in the dark, get out and stay there—I ain’t inviting you into this pit of indignity.
P.S. I Found a six pack mysteriously hiding beneath the floor boards you wouldn’t have anything to do with it would you? ALF that better not be yours!!! 😡
Alf: Yeah, that’s mine. I’ve been workin’ out a lot lately. Focusing on my Scrabs!
Michael Snyder: Just out of curiosity, does it hurt when Abe speaks? I’m sure it does with his lips being stitched together and all, but when I see him talk it looks like he barely has a problem with it.
Alf: It hurt for the longest time, but they’ve been there since he was a minor Mudling crawling underneath sawblades with a blankie and a washcloth—as an aside, trust me, never get those two mixed up. Whatever cheapo stitch tech they used on Abe hasn’t stood the test of time, ‘specially since Abe’s gotta be so chatty all day. Remember: Too Much Talkin’, Lose A Mudokon!
Lee Reese: Another question for Alf, How is it that Muds have such hard slaps? I’ve seen some and they don’t look that strong, but they look like they have one powerful back hand.
Alf: Have you seen the size of our hands? They’re almost a foot long! It’s not about how mighty we swing, it’s the weight behind it. Who’d ever need a jet-propelled wrecking ball?
David: Hey Alf i was wondering have you and your brothers ever messed with a beehive, and later regret it? Especially when you realize it was a grave mistake and running for your lives and asking abe for help but hes faster than you and you can see a bee swarm around you wondering what went wrong?
Alf: I can assure I’ve never messed with a beehive and not regretted it. I also regret reading your morbid little story. It ain’t like I need to sleep or nuthin’, honest to bees!
Christian: Do slogs hump furniture?
Alf: Much worse, they chew it. Don’t matter if it’s fabric, wood or metal, they’ll get their teeth right into that. If ya don’t wanna live surrounded by decrepit desks, bedraggled beds and wartorn wardrobes, muzzle that mutt! Handy for keeping the neighbours off your turf, though.
Andy: please give me advice on how to handle the wait until New n Tasty
Alf: Sure! You could play all the Oddworld games, start to finish, 100% ’em, how ’bout it? And if you get all that done, well I dunno, try your hand at some Fan Art perhaps? Always happy to have new additions to my master ‘in’ pile! Take up a hobby, like Scrabdancing or Wolvarchery, or trying learnin’ somethin’, like Sligonometry or Glukkonomics.
CrantheMudanchee: Hello Alf! I had an interesting question about Glukkons I’d like to ask.. After going No. 2, how do they wipe it?
Alf: From their memory, like I’m gonna go do right now. You guys gotta learn the boundaries, yo! Repeat after me: I don’t wanna go downstairs or talk about it!
It’s gonna take me at least a week to build up the mental reserve to pull anything else outta my magic sack of questions, so make sure you send everything you got my way. After all, the only fun mailbag to lug is a bulging one! So keep your queries, curiosities and conundra comin’ in, in the comments below or using the hashtag #DearAlf on Facebook or Twitter. See you next week for more Dear Alf!