Who drinks SoulStorm Brew? Why does Abe need Spooce? Where CAN’T you find Fuzzles? Alf answers questions!
When you’ve wandered the furthest realms of Mudos, from the snowy mountain peaks to the scorched desert valleys, in search of the eldest and the wisest Inhabitants to put the ultimate questions to, where better to put your feet up and relax with a refreshing tea and an inane ponderance than Oddworld’s first Alf’s Rehab & Tea. Home to Alf himself, at this detox and tea house, your pernicketiest speculation becomes kitchen counter academia. Welcome!
This week I’m taking a selection of questions that cover every Oddworld game so far, all to celebrate the release of Oddboxx on PlayStation 3.
Superior Coolsome: Is the reason Abe was employe of the month at Farms really just because he is two elevenths Glukkon on his half-uncle’s side.
Alf: Hahaha, you teaphiles crack me up! Yeah right, like Abe’s distantly related to a Glukkon. You’ll believe anything I say! I bet if I told ya I was half-Paramite you’d stand behind me for hours waitin’ for an arc of silk to start knittin’ yur winter woolies. Nah, I’m only stirrin’ yur sugar. Beez, lighten up!
BigMullock: I heard some rumors flying about that Mullock wasn’t killed in Rupture farms, is he still alive.
Alf: You really shouldn’t believe what you read in the tabloids. I mean it, that fact-fearin’ snaggle of agenda-pushing tosh spewers should be ignored at all costs. They love drumming up public interest in a topic they can exploit, and boy oh boy is everyone interested in what became of Molluck. The list of people who want to find him alive just to have him shot is longer than Buddy’s belt. But seriously, by the same token how can they not have found him? RuptureFarms is big and labyrinthine but it must have been pulled to pieces by vigorous search crews by now, and they haven’t found so much as a pair of fluffy slippers. Face facts, he’s toast.
BigMullock: Also If those mudokens can make that storm at the end of Abes oddysee to destroy rupture farms, why don’t they just do that all the time?
Alf: Because it takes a lotta Spooce! Luckily RuptureFarms is pretty darned close to the Mudokon holy caves of Monsaic Lines, filled with cranky ancient shamans and freaky psychic machines. Multiply by a not small number of rescued Muds all too happy to see their former enslavers electrified, and you’ve got a recipe for the worst weather-related meat factory mishap since Unckie Chunky hisself famously lost 8 thousand tons of Meech Shank to a flash flood. Oh, it can be done with a lot of planning, but an ever-growing proportion of free Muds are too busy celebrating life to give half a care to organizing rebellion. Plus you don’t wanna set fire to a building filled with workers, and there are very few daft enough to infiltrate a functioning Glukkon facility and get away again with the whole labor pool in tow.
Johny: Hey there, Alf! My question to you this week: What ever happened to Abe’s pet elum? We didn’t see it after the first game, so is it still with you guys?
Alf: I’m not… I mean I don’t think… I might just be misrememberin’, my old tea-addled brain… but didn’t he… didn’t we figure out he’d been… Grubb-in-a-tub, this is awkward. I don’t want the nippers to start cryin’, so I need to find a way to put this tactfully. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but we had to say goodbye to our beloved Elum. It’s tragic and horrible and quite unbelievable, but it’s true. He decided to go to medical school.
CrantheMudanchee: Is soulstorm brew only consumed by mudokons?
Alf: No siree, it is not. In fact, it’s the number one beverage in the whole of Mudos, enjoyed icy and fizzing by all from the surliest crate packer to the tenderest wallet stitcher. Bottles of Brew are wielded by every stadium hawker this side of Mudos Arena and stood clinking in the chiller of every light-flickerin’ dehab from Nolybab to Fegas. Short answer: No siree, it is not.
Lee: Abe could use his posseseion anytime he wanted in the first two games how come he requires spooce to possess in MO?
Alf: I guess you never saw Abe’s condo back in RuptureFarms, didya. I tell ya, that chump never looked after it properly. He had the flashiest home outta anyone, on account of bein’ Employee of the Year: 5% more bedding than the next best place, three whole options on his private Vendo, a bigger CCTV screen by a good quarter inch, and it was strung up higher than anything else in the silo. What does he do with it? He lets it get overrun by Rats, Slurgs, basically any pest you could name. I spotted him feeding the varmints more than once. And the mould! He just let it grow, like he was culturing a carpet of the icky stuff. He was probably breathing in enough Spooce from that stuff to power his campaigns against RuptureFarms and SoulStorm Brewery. After that, I ain’t surprised in the slightest he had such a massive hankerin’ fer the stuff.
Nikki: Do Vykkers fall in love with themselves?
Alf: They’re born in love with themselves. Not in the icky, squicky, opple-sticky way you or I—well, you maybe anyway—would. Just they really like ’emselves is all. They’re chronically incapable of empathy, even between each other. All they’ve got room for in their twisted hearts is themselves. But you’re right, Vykkers are self-impregnating hermaphrodites—given their selfishness, can you imagine anything else? They can only do this for a couple of months out of their long lives, which they take as a sabbatical from work.
Kyran: If Abe and Munch took down Vykker’s labs then does that mean that Strangers story existed before Abe and Munch journey?
Alf: I’ll pop the kettle on while I have a think about how that makes sense. Maybe head out and collect a couple sacks of berries, too. Hey, do you want anything from that other village way across the other end of the mountain range?
DrunkenFool: Why have the only creatures that have been seen in both stranger’s wrath and the other games been fuzzles?
Alf: Fuzzles are pretty ubiquitous critters, you’re likely to find them in all sorts of places across all of Oddworld. That’s one of the reasons they’re so perfect for the Vykkers to collect in massive numbers. It just so happens they’re as common in the dust plains of Western Mudos as they are in the contested plateaux of the Outter Rim.
DrunkenFool: I noticed on that one Stranger guy’s hat is that he has darts. Why doesn’t he ever use them?
Alf: Because then his hat would be unbalanced, duh.
No more questions please, Rehabers, we’re closing for the evening. But we’ll be back next week, so send in more questions please! Keep it pithy on Twitter by screeching at @OddworldInc with the hashtag #DearAlf, or turn to Facebook with your longer questions, or just plain drop a comment below. I’ll be picking more questions next Friday, so stay tuned, and Stay Odd!