Years: 2011 - 2012 Sources: https://web.archive.org/web/20111112194259/http://www.formspring.me/AlfMudokon https://web.archive.org/web/20120313114201/http://www.formspring.me/AlfMudokon https://web.archive.org/web/20120615162204/http://www.formspring.me/AlfMudokon
I’m the proprietor of my own chain of Rehabs, set up to help Mudokons sick from Brew along the road to recovery with kind words, group support, and lots and lots of tea.
Q: Are you jealous of Abe in any way?
Alf: Well I suppose it would be nice to have the adoration of hundreds of Mudokons all across the continent, but I guess I have all you guys instead! And hey, you’re every bit as good, probably! It would be nice to turn into Shrykull I guess. Think of how many cold cups of tea I could reheat if I had lightning power!
Q: what are you dressing up as for halloween?
Alf: A teabag!
Q: Are you going to tell your grand kids about your past at Rupture farms or would you rather have everyone forget about that?
Alf: I don’t think grandchildren are on my cards.
Q: you’re adorable, and i’d really like to taste your tea, would you give me some?
Alf: I’m sure this post is 100% innocent and clean-minded but I just can’t shake the feeling that I shoud be checking for hidden cameras.
Q: What was your first impression of Munch?
Alf: That there was some horrendous lecherous fish that had attached itself to Abe and wasn’t letting go. It was funny looking and smelled bad.
Q: Do you make your own tea or do you have a special brand? I could imagine the Glukkons trying to capitalize on Mudokons again by making tea out of, I don’t know, Mudokon dandruff flakes or something
Alf: I do make my own tea, but I most certainly do not use dandruff unless I’ve really run out of other ingredients.
Q: If you’re there to help other Muds forget their traumatic experiences and heal them, who was their to help and heal you?
Alf: It’s not about making the forget, it’s about making them come to terms with it and getting on their lives as healthier, stronger Mudokons. I had my buddies to help me through my own difficult period. We all had each other. It’s just that I’m the one that decided to take what I’d learnt and help other people.
Q: greetings Alf, i was just wondering why Abe’s mother doesnt have legs…or does she?
Alf: She could do but have to search through all that fat to find them, and I don’t feel that’s my job. Love you, mamma!
Q: Do you have any holidays or celebrations soon? Do you get cake when you celebrate? You ever had cake? I love cake…
Alf: Cake is delicious. I like popberry cake. Mmmm, popberries.
Q: Can I come to Oddworld yet? I’ve been waiting for ages 🙂
Alf: Just board your next blimp.
Q: What goes into the creation of a Mudokon queen? Are they pre-determined to be royalty from birth or do new queens develop (from the work caste for example) when there’s a biologicial need for them?
Alf: Oh ho ho, you almost had me there! I typed out a full explanation but just before I submitted I realized that you are actually an evil Vykkers Scientist bent on enslaved the Mudokon race all the more by breeding a whole farm of Mudokon queens, all producing thousands and thousands of Labor Eggs! Looks like you’re trying to trick the wrong Mudokon!
Q: Hey Alf have you ever drank soul storm brew?
Alf: Never played Abe’s Exoddus, huh?
Q: Do you ever get sick of answering questions? Especially from a certain cake lover? Or ones that are in your FAQ?
Alf: I definitely get sick of answering the same questions over and over. You’d think people would READ THE FAQ but it’s evident some of them just don’t READ THE FAQ before coming to me. I’m not quite sure why they’d rather slow down the making of the games instead of just READING THE FAQ, but apparently our FAQ is haunted or something because they just won’t READ THE FAQ.
What’s a Mud to do?
Q: Hey Alf, don’t you think it’s strange to call your own world “odd” ? Or Mudokons aren’t the ones who called it that way ? That would be quite odd !
Alf: Your planet is named after a substance of which it comprises only the tiniest fraction by mass or volume. Who’s odd now?
Q: I’m pretty sure people don’t read the FAQ because they like the charming and witty responses from you personally… Do you like how I replaced ‘sarcastic’ with ‘charming and witty’?
Alf: Did you use a thesaurus for that?
Q: Do you have a theme tune? If so, can I hear it?
Alf: Yes, it goes:
He’s Alf! He’s Alf!
Want tea? Go to Alf!
Don’t burp! Don’t slurp!
Don’t chug! Just sip!
Too dry? Just add water!
Don’t like tea? Well ya oughta!
Got a question? He’ll answer!
He’s a comic! He’s a dancer!
He’s Alf! Wears a fez!
Hey shut up! They’re the best!
Want good drink? Or company?
Go to Alf’s Rehab & Tea!
Q: Following the release of Sonic Generations where Sonic meets his past self, if you could meet your past self, what would you say or do to him or her?
Alf: Make me a cup of tea!
Q: Can I share now?
Alf: NO! JUST SHUT UP!
Q: A wild Slig appeared! What will Alf do? -Fight -Tea -Call Abe -Run
Alf: Save game, turn off system, go and get some work done.
Q: What language(s) do you speak?
Alf: Mudokon and Fannish.
Q: Who is smarter? A Slig or an Outlaw?
Alf: I hate to suggest that an Outlaw is smart, but they at least have survival skills. Out there in the lawless stretches of Western Mudos they need to have their wits about them to survive. True they leech of Clakkerz and Grubbs, but that itself isn’t an /unwise/ decision. Most Sligs would perish in the wild, never having learnt how to fend for themselves.
Q: Do Sligs and Slegs have some ancestors in common ?
Alf: No more than a moose and a goose.
Q: Is it an insult when Outlaws calls Stranger pretty?
Alf: Stranger may be a rough and rugged one-dude bountying machine, but he takes better care of himself than Outlaws do. Outlaws believe in survival and power over hygeine. By calling Stranger pretty they’re calling into question his strength and hence his ability to prevail in combat. Don’t worry too much about it, it’s Outlaw logic.
Q: Do Mudokons have an equivalent to a Human Christmas and would you have Scrab Cakes and a big juicy Paramite for dinner?
Alf: Everyone needs a celebration of light to get them through the dark days of the colder months!
Q: Will there be any more Oddworld merchandise available in the future? Anymore shirts?
Alf: Oh absolutely. We’re looking into a variety of things, including more shirts.
Q: Can we dress Sligs in skirts?
Alf: You can try, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Only way you can do it and survive is to pay them.
Q: Will Munch HD have stuff that was cut out of the original game?
Alf: Munch’s Oddysee IS the original game, and Munch HD will be the HD version of it. It would be harder than popping a Slig’s buttzit to add new content with the outdated pipeline that game used, and it would only improve the game in a sentimental way. Not that sentiment is bad, but we have to prioritize! You can’t paint your Rehab before you’ve built its walls!
Q: Why doesn’t anyone push down a Glukkon?
Alf: Because nobody fancies spending the rest of their short lives in solitary confinement undergoing torture.
Q: Do Slogs lay eggs like the Mudokon queen?
Alf: No, no one lays eggs quite like the Mudokon queen. Her style is irreproducible.
Q: What do Outlaws, Clakkers, Grubbs, Wolvarks and Steef eat?
Alf: Fish and Gabbits.
Q: Hey Alf, how do you comunicate with us? Are you able to see our messages by chanting? Or have you stole a computer from the Glukkons?
Alf: It’s easy to get distracted by technicalities. The important thing is that it works.
Q: Alf! I got a question buddy, were you one of the 99 mudokons abe saved from Rupture farms? If so which one?
Alf: I was, but don’t ask me to remember which one. Can you remember what shift you were working in 1997?
Q: What has lorne lanning been up to recently? I havent heard anything about except doing movie he was trying to do.
Alf: Lorne and Sherry have been working on their new venture for the last few years, but they’re still about making sure Oddworld is doing the right thing.
Q: Do you farm and eat meeps?
Alf: No. I leave the farming to the farmers and the eating to the eaters.
Q: Do you guys have a day like Valentine’s Day in Oddworld?
Alf: No, we all hate each other.
Q: Did Abe ever talk to you about pushing him into the Big Well?
Alf: He thanked me for helping him in his adventure. Anything less and I’d have been insulted.
Q: Do you miss your mom?
Alf: I’ve never met her, so not really.
Q: When i post on the oddworld inhabitants website my post never apears to stay, why?
Alf: Probably because I haven’t gotten around to moderating it yet. Give me time! I’ve only got two hands! Sheesh.
Q: Don’t you have anything better do to then answer questions from us?
Alf: I absolutely do not!
Q: How does Stranger suck all those Outlaws in his bag? It’s a small bag… is it like a bottomless bag with a vacuum in it?
Alf: It’s a can. Ocassionally the canning factories glitch and put huge amounts of negative pressure where they should be doing the opposite. If you know exactly what to look for, if you know how to tap it just right, you can find cans just like it in stores across Oddworld.
Q: Is it true that Oddworld is going to head in a lighter direction?
Alf: Nonsense. Oddworld will always retain its blend of gruesome horror, playfulness and ironic humor.