Dear Alf #35

You ask for it, Alf sort of sends this thing that vaguely resembles a reply and almost never directly relates to an answer … But that’s why we love him. Take a gamble and send your questions to the old Alfster… you might get a reply! Just remember that the odds are always with the house, or in this case, the rehab!

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions.

Q: Hey Alf. First, just let me say you’re the coolest. Go the tea. Anyway, i have a few questions:

1) Was Molluck a Big Cheese or a Glockstar?

Alf:  Well it’s sort of hard to say. He may have had some of the credibility and respect of a Glockstar, but his foul odor would lead me to believe was big (however rotten) cheese. Yes, I’ll go with Big Cheese.

2) At Rupture Farms, the Mudukons were processing huge carcasses, of creatures too large to be scrabs. What where these?

Alf:  Probably Elums and whatever other quasi-meat products they could find lying around. At Rupture Farms, no carcass goes unturned. Waste not want not!

3) Shrykull is half god, half Mudukon. Does that mean that there is some kind of God out there that vaguely resembles Shrykull? If so, did the ancient Mudokons worship it/him?

Alf: Yes, a half-god that was worshiped from 9-12, then took the afternoons off to lay around and drink brew.

4) After the Scrabanian and Paramonian nests, the doors had a large stone sculpture that resembled Big Face’s mask. Are they the same thing?

Alf:  It’s not the actual mask but it is a sculpture of said mask. Darn that Bigface, he’d have his mug all over mudos if he could!

5) V.P. Aslik’s shoulders are smaller than Dripik’s and Phleg’s. Is he a lower status glukkon? Also, is the Brewmaster Glukkon a lower status?

Alf:  There’s definitely a chain of command, a pecking order so to speak, when it comes to the Glukkon uppity-ups. While Aslik and Brewmaster may not be part of the upper upper echelon, they sure come in handy when blame is in need of a transfer!

6) On the back of the Abe’s Exoddus book, there is a picture of a Mudukon spraypainting on a wall. He is also seen in the opening credits of the game. This mudokun is blue, with orange bloodshot eyes. He has no tattoos, so I’m pretty sure he’s not Abe. Yet the other Mudokons are green, with white or yellow eyes. Are blue Mudokons more common than suggested, Albinos, or is this guy just someone who also happens to be a mystical saviour?

Alf:   Well the lighting is pretty bad in that particular area, I mean, how can we really be sure who it was? He didn’t have a fez on, did he? I mean, what difference does it make? Who’s the victim I ask you! Who is the victim! Why is everyone always trying to accuse me? It’s not graffiti, it’s ART!

7) The Oddworld logo: Does it mean anything, or is it just a cool-looking random thingy.

Alf:   The Oddworld logo is an O, a W and an I. We call it the jewel logo because it looks like, well, a jewel. Sherry likes purple, so that’s pretty much where the color came from. Not too long ago, the logo was revised. A circle with the name of the company spelled out was added to the jewel logo. We use this one in instances where the logo needs to “read” really well. But sometimes we still go back to the jewel, just ‘cuz we think it’s so darn pretty!

Q:   Hi Alf Its Daz. I was wondering if you and your fellow Mudokons have benefited from the Magog cartel or their technology at all? Either using Glukkon suits as carpets, those nice meat drills from Rupture farms as burglar traps, anti-chanting orbs for pratical jokes or least slig pants as a new way of bringing your tea to you without leaving your seat?

Alf:   Well, if by benefited you mean being kept as slaves to mine our own bones and have our lips stitched up then yeah I guess so.

Q:   Hi Alfie boy my name is Dorian. I just want two ask you 2 questions.

1. what is the difference between scrabs and Alpha scrabs?

2. When will the next oddworld game be released? 

Alf:  Alpha scrabs tell regular scrabs what to do and how to do it! And I’m not tellin’ anything about the next game! Not for all the tea in Mudos! You can’t make me! I–will–not–be–broken!!!!!

Q:  Dear Alf, My name is Robert and I was wondering if you could tell me about the Mudoncho Vaults. I know that it is a temple in Necrum like the Mudanchee and Mudomo Vaults and that it used to be home to many meeches (before they were all extinct). But I was just wondering if you could tell me some more about it? Thanks. 

Alf:   Mudoncho?! Well I know it has been a long time since I was down in Necrum, and I’ve had a lot of brew since then, but I sure don’t remember any Mudoncho Vaults! Maybe you got all hot and flustered from wearing your poncho? Or perhaps you ate a bad batch of nachos while in the mines? I hear the snack carts there are a little less than reputable. Watch it!

Q:  Hey Alf, I have a query regarding something in Munch’s Oddysee. In the Brewery To Be region, there stands a lone windmill. Found on the outside walls on the windmill are a red symbol. This symbol is neither the Mudanchee, nor the Mudomo symbol, yet it is designed in the same manner. Could you tell me what the symbol stands for, or whom it stands for (is it possibly the Mudancho symbol)? Thankyou, Alcar… 

Alf:  Alcar! You’re killin’ me man! Is this a coup? Are you forumers messin’ wit my mind? I hearby decree that from this moment forward, none in my Rehab shall speak of the imposter vault known as Mudoncho! As for the symbol, it is a graphic representation of a Scrab, end of story! Mudancho! Puhleaz.

Q:  Dear Alf, When I was nine, the Oddworld quintology just started, ever since then, I was addicted. Every mudokon was a wonder to me, and to this very day this question haunts me: Why does Abe have his hair in a tail, instead of being tied up, why are his lips sowed up and why does he have yellow eyes? I’t seems kind of– Odd — don’t ya think? —levihydra10009

Alf:   Aw, that is so sweet! I love it when we can turn a mind so young so odd. Really warms the heart. Ok, enough of that emotional stuff, let’s get down to business. Abe’s hair is in a ponytail for a very simple reason. Have you ever seen that show, “When Factory Work Goes Bad?” Trust me, you don’t want your hair getting caught in one of those machines! Always, ALWAYS wear a ponytail! Abe’s lips are sewn up from the old days when no one wanted to listen to him cry. He keeps the stitches as a symbol of his past. As for the yellow eyes, I’m gonna have to go with genetics on that one my friend!

Q:  Hiya Alf! Good to hear from you, you good ol’ Mudokon you! I humbly request your answers to these following questions.

1) Abe has his mouth stitched shut to prevent him from praying, I know that, but has it happened to other Mudos, having their mouths stitched, stapled, or (in poor zulags) sellotaped shut? 

Alf:   Hey there buddy! Um, well, I just got finished talking about the stitches. And yes, other Muds have been stitched up, but as far as I know no one has ever been stapled or taped!

2) Are Fuzzels cuter Fleecehes?

Alf:   Yes, Fuzzles are certifiably cuter than fleeches. But the fact that they are cute is a bit of a paradox, when you take into consideration their other side, what with the gnawing of flesh and all. Fleeches, however, are not cute in any way and don’t have the depth to their personality that fuzzles do.

Q:  3) How come you are reading, (on your picture) with an electric light, hmm?

Alf:   What are you talking about? My light is powered by adorable little bugs with glowing bums!