Dear Alf #27

You ask for it, Alf sort of sends this thing that vaguely resembles a reply and almost never directly relates to an answer … But that’s why we love him. Take a gamble and send your questions to the old Alfster… you might get a reply! Just remember that the odds are always with the house, or in this case, the rehab!

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions.

Q:   Hi ! I’m search on the web, the soundtrack of Oddworld series. Have you got a CD contains these musics ? I like there !!! Could you to be send a copy at my home ? Thanks.

Alf:  I’d be happy to send you a copy at home, if we had a soundtrack out! Of course, we’d love to do one, but then again, there are a lot of things that we’d like to do! For now, we are just concentrating on making games.

Q: Hello Alf. I am Xercon, a Jr. Executive Glukkon working for FeeCo Depot. Coulld you tell me more about my great boss, Aslik? Also (Aslik says he’ll promote me if I get this right) where is Abe hiding these days. Oh yeah, that Slig behind you hates you and will shoot the second I say the word!!! (Evil Laughter). Thanks for your time. By the way, you should be scrubbing decks, NOT answering fan-mail! Have a good day! – Xercon

Alf:  Hello Wanna-be-Exec Xercon. Your great boss Aslik has the breath of a thousand donkeys. He can reorg a company with one deft wave of a pen, and likes his hourly latte with extra fat and foam. Don’t start counting your moolah yet—I’ll never tell you where Abe is. Do I look like some kinda dumb chump to you? Don’t answer that!!! Now, don’t you have some papers to collate? I’m sure if your boss found you writing fan mail to a Mud you’d be demoted to Sloggie Chow pretty quick

Q:  Hows it going in oddworld? I jusy have a few questions for you: When will you get your own game? did Meeche’s have temples like scrabs? do slogs, srabs and parimites have queens? and do elums have a queen? From Oddball_Zim …(“-“)

Alf:  Alf’s my name, tea makin’s my game! So what’s with all the hierarchical, philosophical, religious questions? Eh? It”s not polite to discuss such things in mixed company! Besides, very little is known about these wild, beautiful and elusive beasts anyway. Maybe because if you get anywhere near one you’ll be reduced to tooth pickins!

Q:  Hey alf, thanx for putting my last question on your website I appreciate the thought, so to thank you I have some questions about your precious tea and rehab place and they are: Do you use spooce as one of the secret ingredients for your tea or do they taste soooo bad that spooce don’t get your sign of approval? and besides tea will you put up a juice & rehab to go with your tea and rehab?

Alf:  Anonymous: Spooce tea would probably taste like mud and money pie. Do you know how many people have touched a dollar bill by the time you get it! Ack! Can someone please bring me my sanitizer!?!!! The mere thought of it gives me an infection. As for juice, I can’t be bothered with all that squeezing. Do you know how hard it is to squeeze a piece of fruit with a mug in one hand and the other on the keyboard? I’d have to employ something with more arms, then there’s that mess with social security, workmuds comp…. Headaches I tell you! Headaches!

Q:   Dear Alf, I have finished Abe’s Exoddus (saved all 300 Mudokens) and the weirdos told me I find out about Abe’s Mudoken mother when I meet Munch in the next game. I finished Munch’s Odysee with all Mudokens and all Fuzzles saved and still no one tells me anything about Abe’s mother. Can you fill me in? Raven

Alf:   The journey of Abe and Munch is not over. The only place we can find out more about Abe’s mother is in…. the future!

Q: Hello Alf! I’m a little new at this but I hope it wouldn’t hurt if I ask a few questions. thanks!   Gerald

Alf:   Well Gerald, I don’t normally do this, but it is a slow month and I shall be answering ALL of your questions!

1. What made all you native people and the industrial punks hate each other in the first place? (Was it a BIG disagreement between the mudokon queen and the glukkon queen?)

A: Excellent question! It wasn’t always like this. There used to be balance on Oddworld. But overpopulation caused fights over land, mates, resources, etc… and a great divide between the species. At first there was just fighting, fighting everywhere, but then even the dumbest of species realized how futile that was and slowly the militaristic clans became special interest groups, utilizing business as a vehicle for their goals. It’s no big surprise that those with the most war-like tendencies were the best at business. That’s how the riff between the tree huggers and the land muggers all got started.

2. I noticed in Abe’s Oddysee and Abe’s Exoddus Abe’s voice changed. What happened?

A: Puberty.

3. I looked and saw one guy asked about an oddworld movie. If you are making an oddworld movie what will it be called?

A: Um, I think we have to figure out the movie part before we name it.

4. Finally, I read that the industrial punks want to find Molluck allive just to shoot him. What did Molluck do to make the other guys want to shoot him after the lighting bolt went to his head?

A: Molluck didn’t get where he was by making friends and influencing people. He lied, cheated, back stabbed and stepped on whoever necessary to get what he wanted. He used fear-based management techniques. Now, what do you think? : )

Q:   Dear Alf my boy, It’s me STEPHEN again! Pardon me boy, but could you answer these questions?

1.Why does ABE’s voice change in ABE’s EXODDUS? Did his voice break?

2.I have seen a black and white picture of a KINTO SLAVE but, what colour is it?

3.Do Irwin and Humphrey LOVE each other?(I really hope not!)or are they best mates?

4.WHAT THE HECK IS A SEA REX??????????????????????? Bye! Stephen

Alf:   Bonjour Stephen! Wow, lots of people interested in the voice thing. Next!

Kintos are a lovely shade of Burnt Sienna. Or maybe it is Raw Sienna. Can I get an artist in here? PDD! Here PDD! (whistle) Come here boys! Oh never mind. They’re brown.

Irwin and Humphrey? Of course they love each other… they are best mates ; )

A Sea Rex is a mysterious and elusive creature that, out of respect, I shall no longer speak of. The more who know about it the less likely the species is to survive. Au Revoir!

Q:  Hey Alf, I wanna know why Abe has a red and black hairdo. You can see it real clearly on the Abes Oddysee front cover for PSX. See ya, Robman P.S. Don’t say he just did the haircut because I know that ain’t true.

Alf:   Duh! Red and black are the hottest of haute couture!

Q:   Dear Alf, are sligs from the wild or are they made by Glukkons? Please reply 

Alf:   Sligs are not made by Glukkons. They are born in captivity and leased at birth as corporate security personnel. Only their “gear” is manufactured. They are given mechanical pants or wings, batons, tear gas, various types of weaponry, but are never taught to use any of them all that effectively. They are easily impressed and even misled by anyone who sports larger or more exotic weaponry than their own. Status is very important to Sligs.

Q: “Hey there fellow chump!” “How’s it hangin'” Recognize any of these phrases from “Munch’s Oddysee”?

Alf:  No. Not at all. ; )

Q:   Well I finally have an Xbox and I’m playing the game like it’s my child. I’ll start by reasking a question I have previously asked. When Oddworld Inhabitants finish with the Oddworld Quintology, will they move on to some multiplayer Oddworld games like racing games, fighting games or even party games?

Alf:  I think when Oddworld finishes the Quintology, a new one will be started. Or maybe a Heptology or a Quadrology … ooooh, maybe a decology! Possibly an Alfology!

Q:   Now I’ll ask two new questions.Kind regards your most desperate fan Shane.

Alf:  Must you? I’m getting weak!

Are sligs evil because Glukkons force them to be? And that somewhere on Oddworld there are some nice ones?

Alf:  No, they aren’t evil all because of the Glukkons. It is also typically thought that Sligs are malicious and sadistic at birth. This is not true either. The callus nature of a Slig is the result of parental shortcomings. Deprived of their early needs, they grow hardened to the ways of their reality. What could have turned out to be a race of sensitive, loving creatures, has in practice been perverted to become the most reliable clan for the contracting of dirty deeds. If left alone, Sligs talk to themselves to cope with their loneliness.

Q:   Can you give us any info on you said you will make when you have the money?

Alf: Money info give cannot saying what you are I know not sentence structure of because bad and words missing probably.