Dear Alf #24

You ask for it, Alf sort of sends this thing that vaguely resembles a reply and almost never directly relates to an answer … But that’s why we love him. Take a gamble and send your questions to the old Alfster… you might get a reply! Just remember that the odds are always with the house, or in this case, the rehab!

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions.

Q:   Hey Alf, how come abe cannot turn into a shrykull all the time but needs a special portal? Is it spooce?

Alf:  Spooce it is not. There are just certain, rewarding moments in life when Abe gets to take advantage of the shrykull. A tear in the otherwise oppressive fabric of fairness, if you will.

Q: Since the sligs caught the gabbits befor at the end of the game what is going to stop them from catching the new baby gabbits again? 

Alf:  Hmmmm. Sounds like a job for an unlikely hero to me!

Q:   Hey Alf, Sorry to bother ya but lately we have been discussing Interns on the forums. I just wanted to brush up my knowledge on them, with your help of course! ; ).

Ok, I just wanted to know why do Interns realy have thier mouth sewn shut and feet, hoves, etc cut off? I also just wanted to know if Interns were made for the Vykkers for personal use or have they always been what they are today?

Alf:  Yes, interns really do have their mouths sewn shut. This is to prevent them from whistling annoying techno and trance tunes while working. Unfortunately, they can still email and surf the net.

They do also have hooves, this is hard to notice because they seem to be the same size as their leg bones, unlike a horse or a pig, where the hoof is semi-cone-shaped. Nothing’s been cut off yet, but I’m not sayin’ it couldn’t happen!

The interns weren’t created, but like so many of the poor critters that cross the threshold of Vykker’s Labs, they’ve undergone slight “mODDifications”.

Q:   ALFY MY CHUM! I must ask a question of you, what ever became of fleeches and greeters and slurgs, you guys did’nt put em in the third game.

Alf:   They are still fleeching, greeting, and slurging around Oddworld, they just didn’t make it into Munch’s story. Better luck next time, ay?

Q:  Is Abe the only Mud with the power to open bird portals?

Alf:   Yes, Abe is special. But I have been known to open tea canisters and sugar packets. Doesn’t that count for anything?

Q:   Why did the Glukkons choose Abe as an ad campaign, all Mud product posters show blue skin, not the common green. Even Mudokon Pops are blue!

Alf:   Studies show that nine out of ten muds prefer the color blue, especially in the edibles category. It’s all about targeting your market, bud.

Q:  Why was Abe’s mouth stapled shut? No other Muds in stapled have this done to them.

Alf:   Not stapled, stitched! Abe was a noisy, whiny, cry baby and no one could stand his incessant blabber, so they sewed him up tight. Not too tight to have a brew, though!

Q:   In the bad Exoddus ending you cannot see Abe’s feet when he is in the tear extractor, but when you see Muds in the game you can easily see their feet. Also, why do their loin-clothes stay on their legs?

Alf:   What the heck are you talking about? That isn’t even a question. I’m sorry that you can’t see Abe’s feet. There. Are you happy now? And the loincloths happen to be heavily starched, OK? Every good, upstanding citizen of Mudos knows that a well starched Mudokon is a happy Mudokon.

Q:   Hey Alf how is it going in the world of odd? And how is your tea coming? My name is Dave and I am a huge Oddworld fanatic. I pretty much love Oddworld so much I am a member of the Oddworld forums. Ok enough with the pointless talking. I have these two iching questions and I need your answer. How big is a Sea Rex? And will we see them in future games?

Alf:  Well things would be better if people made sense, but I don’t want to ask too much of the human race.

ANYWAY, here’s some soothing ointment for your itch: It is very difficult to determine the size of a sea rex because they are constantly undulating through the water, and are never lain out straight next to another critter where you could make some kind of a comparison. I just know they’re big, cause no one wants to catch ’em … either that or they just taste bad! They’re probably the largest animal I know of on Oddworld, though!

Q:   Alfy baby, Ya cool by me you’re actually one a my favorite characters and do the sligs despise the Glukkons even though they serve’em an’ all?

Alf:  They don’t despise the glukkons, they probably aren’t capable of thinking enough to despise them. They do, however, have a natural desire for the nurturing and attention that they were deprived of as children. They are also easily impressed by status, and therefore I would guess are highly susceptible to abusive relationships, such as serving the Gluks.

Q:   I have one question that has been bothering me for a while. What happened in the desert while travelling with Abe that the cameras didn’t show? Anything funny?

Alf:  You mean when the thing was all whatever, and we all went AAAAHHHH and then that one time when the hahahhahhaaaaaaaaaa! Man that was so funny! And oh my gosh there was this one thing that was all blabidyybalbllllaaaa! And we were like all, “Whoaaaaa!” That was like, I don’t even know what! I was just like, couldn’t even believe that that even happened! Dems good times, man, good times.

Q:   Has Munch started his colony of Gabbits yet? Or has his lungs been stolen.

Alf:  Colony starting is a far more complicated process than one might expect. You can’t just dump the eggs in the water, stir well, rinse and repeat. These things typically take some time, so my guess is that he’s still in the planning stages.

Q:   When do ya hope to kick off you merchandise? I sooooooooo want a collection of posable action figures from oddworld.

Alf:  Wouldn’t you rather save your money for things you really need? Like books, wholesome vegetables, and a warm winter coat?

Q:   Hey Alf, me again. I was wondering: where does Abe go when he’s not out possesing Sligs or blowing up boilers and stuff like that. I mean, he must have a break in between his missions, right? So what does he do? Does he hang with the Big Raisin in Raisin’s Cave, does he chill out with Big Face in Mosaic Lines, does he go drink some tea at your Rehab and Tea? Thanks for your time.

Alf:  Abe used to just sit around watching the tube and drinkin’ brew all day. Last I heard lately he’s into hot yoga and soap making. Saving your species brings many changes to a mud.

Q:   And did Elum die ???

Alf:  Elum is a species, so the whole species did not die, no. But alas, we did come to know and love Abe’s Elum as far more than just a mode of transport. He had an untimely ending on the RuptureFarms chopping block. Unfortunately, Elums are known not only as good pack animals, but also as a valuable commodity for Sloggy Chow and Elumer’s Glue.

Q:   Are fuzzles predators ??? (Cuz their teeth are so sharp)

Alf:  Fuzzles are little sweety-pies that have been genetically altered and are pretty peeved about it. Calling them a predator implies that they victimize and destroy for their own personal gain, yet we saw in Munch’s Oddysee that they are perfectly willing to do that for the good of others, as well! I’d say they’re more passive aggressive than predator.

Q:   I’m only wondering where’s BigFace? I haven’t seen him since Abe left to Necrum Mines with his friends. Can we see him anymore?

Alf:  Well, at the last sewing circle, I heard BigFace went to one of those “stress reduction” spas, and no one has seen him in weeks! If you ask me it’s a flimsy coverup for a face job- you have no idea how hard it is to live a name like “BigFace” down when that is exactly what you have. I actually feel sorry for the chump. But you didn’t hear it from me!

Q:   What powers the slig’s pants? oil? gasoline? batteries? Thanks… Oddworld rocks!

Alf:  Vykker’s Pharmaceuticals is always looking for newer, cheaper, more destructive ways to better serve the greedy. Fuel is from Magog Motors.

Q:   Help, I’ve been using the Odd icons for the past two years, I have now had my computer updated and have lost the icons. Are they still available to download or are they lost forever???

Alf:  Yes! Oddicons are back by popular demand. Check out the downloads section of this site early 2003.

Q:   Hey Alfie, can you give me some info about Munch’s Exoddus?

Alf:  Uh, no! Check out the FAQ’s will ya?

‘Till next time, this is the number one Mud that ain’t no dud — so when you have a question and need the direct line to information central, don’t forget to ask Dear Alf!