Dear Alf #23

You ask for it, Alf sort of sends this thing that vaguely resembles a reply and almost never directly relates to an answer … But that’s why we love him. Take a gamble and send your questions to the old Alfster… you might get a reply! Just remember that the odds are always with the house, or in this case, the rehab!

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions.

Q:   Dear Alf, What happend to the idea for Elum and the Flying Sligs!! They were some of the greatest things I think, but I have one question: Will Elum or the Flying sligs ever return?? —the one who mix’s dish soap with his ice tea, Abe’s Son

Alf:  Well, those ideas got used. Now there are new ideas! Wassamatta? You don’t like new ideas? You think it’s ok for you to think of new ideas (i.e. mixing dish soap w/ice tea) but we’re supposed to just keep doing the same thing over and over?! Maybe you should try your tea with a dash of Hypocrite! Or a twist of Infidel! Maybe a dollop of Deceiver! Or just a touch of Blasphemer!

Q: Hey Alf, I’m a big fan of Oddworld (Arn’t we all) and i’d like to ask you the following questions: 

1. In Abe’s Oddysee do the Sligs have a mask with one red bar for thier eyes and in the second and third they have two red eye goggles on each side of their head.Why is this?

2. In the movie sequences in Abe’s Exoddus the Sligs have two red eye goggles on their masks but in the game it’s self they have only one bar. Why is this?

3. Have any mudokons ever more than just slaves and employees in the industrial world.

4. Could ya tell me what the Sligs masks are called as well because I have no idea.

Thanx, Robbie

Alf:  1. Upgrades my man, upgrades. It takes the very best technology to constantly maintain the level of sham that Sligs do.

2. Hmmm. Think you’re mistaken. Look again. Closer … Closer … is your nose touching the screen? Get a little closer. Closer!

3. No silly!!!!

4. Sligs have been known to name their masks Fred, Bob, and Phyllis. But they are generally referred to as “Slig Masks”.

Q:  Hi Alf! I’ve got a little question for Abe: When is you birthday? I would LOVE to know that! Take care and stay Odd all you Muds out there! And specially Abe and Alfieeeeeee! Kissies, AbeLover (Dutch girl named Charell)

Alf:  After years of Brew addiction, not even Abe remembers when he was hatched! And rumour has it the employee records all hit the shredder during the big SoulStorm audit!

Q:   Hey Alf, how’s it goin on Oddworld? I hope your rehab and tea is doing well. I was just wondering about future video games based on the happenings of Oddworld. As in, what’s a sea rex, how do Kinto slaves fit into all of this, what are some possibilities of future game names, etc. I know you must get these kind of questions a lot, and they probably bug the heck outta you, so I’m sorry. I just thought it would be worth a shot. Anyways, I hope everything is well and that Abe is staying out of trouble. Bye the way, nice new website. —SLIGcatcher

Alf:  Fine. Thanks! Oh. Hmmm. Yes, yes, that’s ok. Sure it is. Yeah, sure, everything’s fine! Thanks. Okay. Buhbye now.

Q:   Hello Alf, I have been a big fan of the Oddworld games for a while. I have the first two, I’m still savin’ for an Xbox, but I have a question for you. Why aren’t there any female mudokons??? What the heck did I miss??? Please clear this matter up for me. From Bryce

Alf:   Bryce, You didn’t miss anything! Female Mudokons haven’t been seen in the Quintology. Us Muds are so in touch with our feminine side we thought you’d be perfectly content with guys like me and Abe!

Q:   If I want to start a fan Site do I have to get an OK from you?

Alf:   Create your own Oddworld approved fansite you say? Well my friend, just follow these three easy steps!

Make a fan website. Get pictures, text and ideas from the internet or wherever.

Then send a link to your fabulous fan creation to fanlegal@oddworld.com. (This way we can approve it and give you the proper disclaimers.) VOILA!!! Your very own Oddworld fan website!

Q:  Hey Alf!!! This will be a quick one since I have to go to school soon. I was wondering, do Mudokons have noses? Can you guys smell things? Like, when your really close to a filthy slig, could you say they smell in a literall sense? Ok, thanks for your time, Alf! Talk ta ya latta. SLIGcatcher

Alf:   Well I know for sure that Abe can make some pretty noxious smells, so I guess that means we can smell things! Have fun at school!

Q:   First off, where do the mudokon eggs come from? There were rumors that Abe had to rescue his mother in Munch’s Oddysee, but they never showed her so I assume that he did anyway. But is Abe’s mom the “Great Mother” who was the only female in the game that bred the savior of all the mudokons and the whole basic Mudokon life forms? I doubt that but if there is a female population of Mudokons, I think that studying them would reveal the secret to how the Mudokon eggs are made and how they make them.

Anyway, can you just answer a couple of questions to sum this up, How are Mudokons bred and what happened to the female population if there is one?

Alf:  You are a genius! Studying the female species could really shed light on how Mudokon eggs are produced! Uh, gotta go, I need to get out my little black book. *wink wink* I’ll get back to you, I have some uh, research to do!

Q:   In Munch’s Oddysee, doesn’t Munch break his leg in the trap? It said that somewhere on the website. Anyway, if his leg was broken, how come he hops around as soon as the fuzzles break him out of his bonds? Love your games and website. Gobi the talented camel.

Alf:  The Vykker’s mended his broken leg. Those snaggle toothed freaks got him in tip-top condition so he could lead them to more pharmaceutical fodder. Vykkers become very kind and generous when it comes to the bottom line!

Q:   I love playing videogames with my buds all the time. My mom thinks I should get outside once in awhile and get a life. She’s threatened to take away my Xbox. I don’t know what to do cuz I love videogames so much. I know you love ’em too. I don’t care about girls cuz they are all thumbs. What should I do Alf? Your pal Ryan.

Alf:  Ryan, that whole “outside” and “life” junk is completely overrated. I stopped drinking tea once to check out some other interests. You know, brew drinkin’, stuff like that. BO-ring! Now I’m back in my routine and happy as ratz in a biohazard container! Yeee-hooo, boy! Perhaps a new hairstyle or wig is a better answer to your need for change.

Q:   Heya Alf, I luv Oddworld! I’m obsessed by anything ODD! I’m thinkin of getting an Odd tattoo on my back. My wife and kids say I’ll regret it but I love Oddworld so much. Anything else I can do besides a Tattoo? In Odd We Trust … forever yours, Warren.

Alf:  No way Warren, this idea is way out there. You should not even consider this for another moment. You see, getting a tattoo is a big step and will last forever. So why would you want one on your back? It totally has to be on your belly, so that you can look down and see it anytime ya want!

Q:   If you could switch jobs with any other Mud, what would you do? Thanx, Jen.

Alf:  Tea brewing and chillin’ with my buds is where my heart’s at. I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Q:   Dear Alf, I have a theory. If you put females in your games then more girls will play them. If more girls play games then boys can play games with them. Make sense?

Alf:  Huh. Never thought of that. I just always assumed girls wanted to play as male characters, or as girls with genetically inconceivable proportions. How ’bout if we just make gender-neutral characters with boy names???

Q:   I want to give my brother an Oddworld related gift for Hannukah. I can’t decide between the Paramite Pies, Scrab Cakes or Elum Chubs. Are these items kosher? Thanks in advance, Mo.

Alf:  Odd-vey! NO WAY! Don’t be a schlemiel! Try a nice matzo-sculpture of our buddy Elum instead. Or perhaps a few spooce-shaped chocolates wrapped in gold foil! Kids these days, I tell ya! Some of ’em I’d like ta kick in the tuchis!

‘Till next time, this is the number one Mud that ain’t no dud — so when you have a question and need the direct line to information central, don’t forget to ask Dear Alf!