Dear Alf #21

You ask for it, Alf sort of sends this thing that vaguely resembles a reply and almost never directly relates to an answer … But that’s why we love him. Take a gamble and send your questions to the old Alfster… you might get a reply! Just remember that the odds are always with the house, or in this case, the rehab!

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions.

Q:   In the intern’s groove music, what are the lyrics being sung/chanted? — Nathan Alf Rocks!

Alf:  He rocks! He drinks tea, he answers silly questions, and…

He rocks!

Chorus

He Rocks!

Oh yeah, he rocks!

Alf Rocks!

Well, that’s what I hear, anyway. You probably heard: “If you could save my life I’d meet you at the lightpole, baby.”

Q: I wanted to ask you why is it that only Abe can save the Mudokons by chanting. — Harry 

Alf: If you’ve found a method better than chanting, please, let us know!

Q:   I was walking around in the FeeCo Depot and I noticed a sign that said Vykkers Lab coming soon! And since Vykkers Labs is a flying fortress how could a train get there if it’s in the sky? And how come Shock Rockers were in the book thingy that comes with the game but not in the game? — James.

Alf:  Sometimes things come soon to places other than where their posters are hung. For example, if you were at your local drug store, and they had a poster that said, “Bobo’s Circus, coming soon!” You wouldn’t expect the circus to set up shop right there in the toiletries department, would you? Don’t be silly! And the ShockRockers… well, their equipment was shoddy and they shocked themselves right out of the game! Crazy!

Q:   I have all the Oddworld games, I check the website on a regular basis and only one question has been gnawing at my mind like a hungry fleech…

How do Mudarchers power their bows and do they ever run out of ammo?

Also, they need to bring you back in the game, even if it’s just a cameo.

One more question (sorry, it just popped in my head), what happened to all those blind Mudokons? Could they get their sight back? I hope so. I feel bad for that one who helped you put up your sign. Did his finger heal ok?

Thanks for the time. Hope to hear from you soon. — Geoff

Alf:   Mudarchers power their bows with Spooce. And as you probably know, if you run out of spooce, you can always grow some more!

I would love to dedicate some of my time to short film and/or gameplay, but I find that the rehab keeps me quite busy. My Brethren need me!

As for the poor blind folk: If they did get their stitches snipped, their poor eyes would never adjust to the light after being closed so long. It’s a shame. Better to be blind and free than blind and a food product, though!

Q:   I ‘d like to know what Mudokon clothes are made of. I ‘ve seen meeps so you obviously have wool. But you don’t seem to be wearing any wool clothing so what other fabrics are your clothes made of? — Kleeng

Alf:   I don’t know if meeps give “wool”, though they may contribute to the textile production process … at the fertilizer level. Various plants are used to create our light, comfortable and stylish loincloths. They are handcrafted by Mudokons who don’t have to spend all of their time answering questions about interplanetary fashion!

Q:   Hi Alf! My name is Robert and I have a question for you. Do fuzzles have a queen?

Alf:   Hi Robert! I’ve never seen a Fuzzle queen, but I’ve never seen any of the other queens, either. Most creatures on Oddworld are descended from a queen, so it is safe to say … Probably.

Q:  Since Glukkons only have vestigial stubs for legs and walk on their hands, I just have to wonder … What happened to the Glukkons’ legs? And does having hands in your shoes make your shoes smell as much as having feet in them does? Thanks a bunch! — Jon

Alf:   Well Jon, when your species doesn’t use something, generation after generation, it degenerates to a pathetic, good for nothing stub. You know: use it or lose it! And I don’t know about having your hands in your shoes, but I do know that everything about a Glukkon STINKS!

Q:   Hi, how are you? I don’t know where I’ve read about Abe’s fingers, I was just reading the website. I want to ask you, how do you perform the games? Have all of you studied computation or you are a team of musicians, drawers, computer designer etc? — Facundo 

Alf:   I’m tea-riffic! Oddworld has Production Artists, Modelers, Animators, Real-time Artists, Programmers, a Sound Designer/Composer, Technical Support and an Administration staff that all work together on the games. Not to mention the kind upper management, who have never once threatened to sew anyone’s eyes or mouths shut! Isn’t that sweet? Just one more benefit of being an Oddworld Employee!

Q:   Hi Alf I just wanted to ask you a simple little question. It is said that the true evil of Oddworld will be revealed. Does this mean that the Glukkons and other Industrialist are not the bad guys? And if so do you know who will be the true bad guys? Or will there even be a bad guy as some of us think. I hope this question wont force you to reveal much. But I am curious. — Kaimana

Alf:  Kaimana, you should know by now that you can’t force Alfie to do much of anything! In general when people refer to “true” evil, it is usually what’s considered most evil of all, or the source of all evils. Glukkons and Industrialists are bad guys, but someone or something causes them to be that way, right?

Q:   When is oddworld 4 coming out, what is its name, and what system is it coming out for. — Matt

Alf:  Oddworld 4, codename “Oddworld 4”, will be coming out sometime in the future. Only on Xbox!

Q:   Hi Alf! My name is Robert and I would like some info on Mudflubs and Khanzumerz please.

Alf:  Hi Robert! I would love to give you some info on Mudflubs and Khanzumerz, but they are folks whose stories are still in the making. It would be like writing the biography of a three-year-old. Sometimes characters are released, but then don’t make it into the games, and fans such as yourself are let down because they’ve heard or seen something about them. Which is why you won’t be hearing ANYTHING about Oddworld 4 until the time is right! Sorry, bud!

Q:   Hey Alf what is it like to ride an Elum?????????? — Brad

Alf:  Stinky, sweaty, bumpy. All the things one looks for in affordable transportation. Comparable in your world to “Public Transit”.

Q:   Dear Alf I’ ve been wondering, if Mudokons don’t use moolah why does Sam (Mudokon Queen) give her eggs away to Glukkons or do they offer it but she doesn’t except it. Thanks alot, Daz36.

Alf:  Well, neither! She doesn’t give them away, but what she gets in return is not moolah. Let’s just say that in addition to other things, her employee benefits offer an outstanding prescription drug plan.

Q:   I’ve got another question to ask you Alf. In your first two games Scrabs were extremely territorial but in the third they don’t fight at all. What’s up with that! -Jason

Alf:  Well, I’ve never gotten close enough to a scrab to ask him, but they seem to be much less hostile in the outdoors. Captivity does something to a creature, you know? Makes every inch of space more valuable.

Q:   Seriously Alf, convince the guys to make the rest of the Oddworld games for the PC. You will make more moolah! That means more teabags in your storage and more room for ya guests.

Plus you make alot of people happy in a way even your tea canÕt do. You can always break the silly Xbox exclusive, it only counts for Munch ay?

Speaking of Exclusives… how can it be an exclusive to Xbox is munch will be released for GBA(Game Boy Advance)..? *Sips Alf’s tea… Do I taste the faint taste of deodorant??*

— Dark Xinos (Forum guy)   PS. You should visit the forum more often Alfie! We NEED you!!

Alf:  Xinos, I cannot answer a man who faintly tastes deodorant. I just can’t. It is wrong, so very, very wrong. But I will visit the forums, they’re swell!

Q:   What’s going to happen to Oddworld Inhabitants when the Quintology is completed? — Andrew

Alf:  Quintology II! Starring . . . ALF!

‘Till next time, this is the number one Mud that ain’t no dud—so when you have a question and need the direct line to information central, don’t forget to ask Dear Alf!