Dear Alf #12

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions.

Q:  Hey, Alf. I was wondering, on this website, Abe’s STATUS report says that he has no sexual organs. Then why does Abe and his friends wear those loin-clothes?

Alf:  Style, baby. If presence of a clothing item meant there were naughty bits beneath, people’d start wondering why you humans wear hats.

Q:   How do Interns communicate? I’ve looked at pictures and couldn’t find their mouths.

Alf:  All the better, since they all have those walkmans on all the time. Even if they could talk, nobody’d listen to ’em.

Q:  Hi, again. Do the Mudokons take to Munch pretty well, or do they kinda avoid him and wipe off their oversized palms after shaking hands with him? 

Alf:  The most I’ve heard any Mudokon other than Abe say to Munch other than giggling at him was “Heh heh, Hey, Do that thing with your fins again so Buddy can see it!”

Q:   What do the Zulags in RuptureFarms stand for? Do they have anything to do with the Russian GULAGs? 

Alf:  What’s Russia?

Q:   Do Slogs have eyes, or are they blind? if they are how do they know where they’re going?

Alf:  Given their propensity for running their dumb selves right into active minefields, my guess is they don’t.

Q:   I was just wondering if it was possible for other species to have Slogs besides Sligs? If not, why?

Alf:  I imagine if one got a hold of a slog pup and, over the course of several years, regularly beat, starved, and wittily pointed out his various inadequacies as an Oddworld being, one could ingrain the neccessary fear and respect needed to keep it in line – provided you never turned your back on them. That’s how the Sligs do it, and only because that’s what they get paid for.

Q:   I wonder if you can answer this question which has been bugging me for a while; how old are Aslik, Dripik, Phleg and that Brewmaster guy? Just wanted to know, thanks for reading!

Alf:   They’re all 29, coincidentally enough. In fact, Phleg was 29 for at -least- the last 17 years.

Q:   In Oddworld: Abe’s Exoddus¨, the Glukkons keep talking about Molluck. Is he supposed to be the “Master”, or something like that?

Alf:  Molluck pulled a lot more weight than any of those chumps did. On Oddworld, a CEO stands head and shoulders above a Director, Vice President, and General combined. But that’s a good point… Molluck was presumed dead after Abe was first freed from Rupture Farms… why were those 3 so worried about him ‘finding out’ about the Necrum Mines incident?

Q:   Is there a level editor for Oddworld: Abe’s Exoddus¨? 

Alf:  A level editor? What, you think our existance is some kind of GAME?!!

Q:   What Are The Requirements Of Becoming Fan Of The Month On Your Website? 

Alf:  For Starters, Conservative Use Of Capitalization In A Sentence. Secondly, well, it’s kind of ambiguous. Put it this way: You scratch our back, we’ll shave yours.

Q: I’m curious about the 3rd Oddworld game for Xbox. What’s the main plot of it? What are Interns? Who is the big boss? (Molluck was the big boss in the first one.) It’s okay if I can’t know. 

Alf:  Abe’s and Munch have their own missions. Abe’s gotta save his brothers. And, in a way, so does Munch… Interns are lazy bums with itchy trigger fingers who needed a summer job and subscribe to the motto “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing later.” As for the big boss… well, hard to say. The two guys in charge are always fighting over which of them ‘wears the pants’, whatever that means…

Q:   Who is this Lulu? Lulu sounds like a girls name? Lulu is a guy …right?

Alf:  Eh. Technically, yes. Most folks who know him tend to use more colorful adjectives.

Q:   In the game opening of Abe’s Exoddus when Abe falls a Slig flies by and says “somethin’ smells”. I noticed that the Flying Slig seemed to have ‘wings’ instead of ‘blades’ I was wondering if you could explain this?

Alf:  He was commenting on the smell of ozone that was generating by the lubricating oil in his wings burning away, resulting in his wings seizing up and him plummetting to a fiery crash about 10 seconds later, well offscreen, where you’d never have noticed. They discontinued the winged model after that, on the completely unrelated reasoning that the propeller model was also cheaper to manufacture.

Q:   In the game can you switch between Abe and Munch at will or does the story carry the switching? ex. Resident Evil CV?

Alf:  If you wanna help those two get around, we figure that’s your business, and we’ll let you do the deciding as to who goes where and when.

Q:   How close are you guys from finishing the game, percentage wise?

Alf:  Hmm. Hard to say. Somewhere between 14 and 97%.

Q:   Is there ever going to be a Oddworld movie , there must be cmon if Final Fantasy can do it so can Oddworld.

Alf:  What’s Final Fantasy? Is it near ‘Russia’?

Q:   Are There Any Insects On Oddworld?

Alf:   Heh. Wait till you see our intro.

Q:   What is the reproductive model of Elums and do they lay eggs or give birth to live young?

Alf:   Well, on this one, I’d have asked the Elums that are in the upcoming Munch’s Oddysee, but they were surprisingly, um, unresponsive. Confidential to our fan who uses the handle ‘Elum’: I’m so very, very sorry.

Q:   How can I kill Scrabs and the “dogs” without chanting???

Alf:   Don’t go killing those Scrabs! Remember, they’re sacred, holy beasts, an endangered species, and they have to last us until breakfast tommorrow!!!

Q:   How come Abe is blue and all the other Mudokons are green?

Alf:   Back in Rupture Farms, we bet him 5 bucks he couldn’t hold a mouthful of Paramite Juice for ten minutes without swallowing. He won.

Q:   Is it at all possible that Munch’s Oddysee will be reformatted for the GameCube?

Alf:   It’s probably equally possible that Mario will be ported for the XBox. It’s also equally possible that I’ll become a responsible ‘social’ drinker. But I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

Q:   Hey Alf, Joe and Matt here, we were just wondering what pieces of crawling meat bags with extra limbs will be running around in Munch’s Exoddus, and who the hell is this guy Squeek?

Alf:   Hopefully not too many, for their own good… the Magog Cartel has a rule: ‘More Limbs means More Flavor!’ As for Squeek… don’t know what you’re talking about. Sounds ludicrous that such a creature would exist… I mean, what kind of self-respecting being would have an onomatopoeia for a name? *BRRRZZZZZAAAPPPTT* GYAAHHH!!! What the heck was that for, Munch?!